So, I believe we left off looking for a place to play some Beruit. After peering in and out of several open apartments (this was pretty much just open to the public) we spotted a table and some cups...and two problems. One, we were out of beer. Two, we had no balls. Ping pong balls that is. Another minor issue was the lack of opponents, but that was soon fixed.
Me: HEY! We're from New Orleans, and we'll beat anyone here at Beruit. Anyone. Who wants it?
Several eager opponents step to the plate, but only one team offered to find beer. They set off in search of a live keg. Long story short we ended up playing with quarters and owned everyone, and went up into some other apartment which was all tricked out like a dance club. At this point, I'm drinking Bacardi coconut rum straight from a 20oz. soda bottle. I'm feeling pretty good. I head outside for a cigarette, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it, when Angel comes out looking concerned.
Angel: Dude, there's this guy that is, like, won't leave Marisa alone, I dunno, we might need to do something.
I'm actually pleased with this development. I've been wanting to "do something" ever since I polished off that rum.
Me: Sweet, let's go do it.
Angel: Dude, let me handle this, it may involve some tact...
Me: C'mon, I got so much tact it's coming out of my orifices.
Angel: Yeah, that's what I mean.
We head up and Marisa is heading out. I decide to be charming and start yelling things in Spanish that may or may not have made any sense. We decided to head back to the dorm. It is frigging pouring rain.
As we head back, I'm talking with Marisa and we sort of get ahead of everyone else due to our ability to walk in more or less a straight line. We bypassed a graveyard on the way to this party, and now cutting through this graveyard, at 3 am, in the pouring rain, with absolutely no light, seemed like it would take a good 3 minutes off of our commute, so we decided to go for it.
Now, I have to say, if you ever get the opportunity to walk through a creepy graveyard really late at night, really drunk, with a really good looking girl, go ahead and do it. It's one of my favorite memories of my entire life.
So we start into this graveyard, and Marisa starts getting a little creeped out, and then we fall down in this kind of sunken area. My only thought is "Oh holy fuck, who just leaves graves open like this!!" But alas it is not a grave, just poor landscaping. We're soaking wet and covered in mud. Marisa is clinging to me like the rabid raccoon that kept attacking Peter on Family Guy. At this point we notice that no one followed us in here....we're alone. She clings tighter. As Borat would say..."That's niiice." We hear some strange night animal noise. I do the only prudent thing to do in this situation.
Me: So, you think zombies are real?
Marisa: OMG shut up!
She clings tighter.
After stumbling all the way to the far corner of our ill-fated shortcut,
Me: Fuck, who puts a chain link fence around a graveyard?
Our way is completely blocked. I size up the situation and decide I can climb over it, but chivalry isn't dead where Lfodd is concerned...
Me: Hey, you think you can make it over this fence?
Marisa: Not in these shoes...
Great, she's latin, but she's blond, and now she can't even climb a fence...
Me: You don't even speak Spanish, do you?
Marisa: What??
Me: Nevermind, we're gonna have to go back.
We make our way back, I'm sort of more carrying her than walking with her at this point, but we make it back to the sidewalk after like 45 minutes, and we continue on to the dorm room. We share a rather romantic walk back in the rain. She appreciates me for saving her from the zombies and whatnot. We get back upstairs. There's some douchebag in her room who no one wants around. Marisa escapes to her room, but the douchebag follows. She shoots me the "help me" look that women use when they don't want to be impolite to some douchebag who they don't want around. I use some of my surplus tact...
Me: Hey, I'm LFODD, what's your name?
Douchebag: (I'm going to call him Larry because I really didn't give a shit what his name was)
Me: Well, Larry, it's like 4 am, so why don't you show the lady a little courtesy, a little respect, and get the fuck out of here.
Douchebag looks angry, and a little hurt, but he realizes he's also looking up about 6 inches to convey his feelings to me, he decides that chivalry is indeed alive and well, and disappears. Problem solved.
At some point in sitting on Marisa's bed talking I seem to have passed out, thus cutting short my plans of amorous conquest that night. Angel wakes me up to get me out of there, because I'm walking that line of Douchebag who nobody wants around. I sleep in some Asian chick's bed. All in all, a good night.
So, I wake up in the morning and Marisa is sleeping on her own couch. Asian chick is nowhere to be found. I'm unconcerned. She's sort of awake, so I say goodmorning, crack a warm MGD can and pound it back. Ahhh, no more hangover. I interrogate Marisa on where there is a nice, greasy, old school diner to get breakfast at. She knows just the place. Nice. I go to wake up Angel. I shake him. Nothing. I yell at him. Nothing. I shake him again. He mutters, and I quote...
Angel (still very much asleep): uggh, uhhhh, grumpy robot machine.
He starts snoring again. What the fuck is a grumpy robot machine? I decide maybe beer will wake him up. I grab another can of MGD and crack it open next to his ear. He sits straight up in bed, fully awake, and he's SCREAMING. This may be the funniest thing I've ever seen. He's screaming like he's being murdered, totally disoriented, and Marisa and I are laughing my balls off.
Angel: What the fuck did you guys do to me??
Marisa: He opened a beer, and you just sat bolt up and started screaming...
Me: Yeah, you gotta admit that's pretty funny.
Angel: Yeah, that is kind of awesome.
We drove over to the statue of Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain and took our picture drinking with him. (If you don't know who that is, you should, so go look it up).
I buy us all breakfast, we drop Marisa off and head home.
Angel: Dude, we're really good at lying...
Me: Yeah. I told you, I'm a lawyer.
-LFODD
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